At the end of any given day, nobody wants to be entirely alone in this world. Sure people prefer alone time, but that’s unreservedly separate from the bulk of humanity craving companionship. We all do. It ties into our primal nature of who we are. We want help. We want friendship. We want love. Even those that exclaim introvert, who prefer to isolate in most instances, still desire intimacy to some degree. Every Joker wants his Harley Quinn. Every Cinderella wants their Prince Charming. Every old man in the movie “Up” wants his old lady in the movie “Up”.
These relationships with our better halves can be such a gorgeous thing, even when they don’t work out entirely in the end. Every fight, dispute, and misunderstanding is an opportunity to get to know each other better. Is there a deeper problem lying underneath? No two human beings are going to learn the other overnight.
We all embody different genetic structures that make us tick (the other off), and nobody gets to choose the outcome of their composition. Your significant other has very little power over certain parts of their DNA. No, I’m not referring to their rugged handsomeness or jaw dropping sexiness that hopefully comes to mind. In this case, we’re talking directly about their alcoholism. Most overlook the chaos that is their spouse’s alcoholic thinking for as long as they can before attempting to address it. Addressing unwarranted accusations before your loved one is ready to accept their disease can be extremely cautious territory to tread. That’s why there are a number of roads to take when conveying your partner’s need for treatment.
When Your Partner Need YOU
First of all, recognizing that your partner needs treatment is a huge step in the right direction for the state of your union. Remember to keep vividly in your mind that chemical dependency is a mental disease of sorts. It is a mental blockage that haunts the affected person for all of their life. Again, this is a part of their DNA that no active or recovering alcoholic would wish even upon their worst enemy.
However, this doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. Your mate’s alcoholic tendencies can be dealt with in a healthy enough manner that mutes their obsessive thinking without giving into it, but it will take time. That time will take patience, and that patience will take understanding. That’s what love is all about though isn’t it? “In health and in sickness…till death do us part”.
Holy matrimony or not, being tolerant of your spouse’s way of life is a way of life in itself. To be there without enabling them is a full time job, especially when trying to salvage a relationship shrouded with disease thinking. Believe that most addicts/alcoholics never wish to become one, nor do they wish to spend their free time going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings trying to seem normal, but it’s part of the territory that chemical dependency brings.
What to Expect When Expecting (Treatment)
One important factor to keep in mind when it seems your partner needs treatment is that most addicts/alcoholics are dealing with other psychological issues revolving around their abuse. They may be dealing with a dual diagnosis of sorts and be improperly medicated or in need of. On top of that, the abuse can evolve itself into added cross addictions such as additional substances, dysmorphic issues, self-mutilation, gambling, all of the above or anywhere in between.
The psychological root of it all boils down to there being an imbalance of sorts. Some imbalances and disorders can be medicated, others like alcoholic thinking require differing levels of “therapy” to better understand. This therapy can be an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, it can be prayer/meditation, or it can be actual therapy with a psychotherapist/counselor. Yet none of these methods can be sought out unless there in a revelation for such a need.
When your partner needs treatment, it is due to the lack of understanding with their addiction. They might accept it’s there knowing not how to deal with, or they may deny that it is prevalent entirely, but either routes are due to illiteracy of such(in a sense). Trust that if any alcoholic knew how to master it, they would. Rehabilitation will educate them on how to never return back to any such desolation. The right treatment centers won’t just help with sobering up but will teach your spouse life skills and techniques to overcome their problem thinking. Some of these traits will likely include:
- How to Admit Fault
- How to Take Initiative
- How to Love Yourself/Others
- How to Ask for Help
- How to Manage(Time, Bills, Relationships, etc)
Giving Addiction the Silent Treatment, Not Your Partner
It is important to remember that with the proper support by their side, addicts/alcoholics all over live happily ever after with their significant others. Communication is key and making sure that both parties are striving for the same endgame is imperative. Addiction will cause us to be on different wavelengths than our significant other, and it’s important to fill that gap before it gets worse.
Not giving up on your loved one and having faith is admirable. Even if your spouse is using, the “real them” is still in there. Hope goes a long way. Yet also know that there is nothing wrong with removing one’s self from toxic situations when it has gotten bad enough. Sometimes you just have to go with what you need and not necessarily what you want. Being married to an addict whose actively using and being married to an addict who is in recovery are two entirely different entities. It just depends how far one is willing to go when your partner needs treatment. Every relationship is individualized.